My name is Heather and I am a hypochondriac. While I’ve grown leaps and bounds since being a kid (when things were really out of control), I still assume any rash is the flesh-eating virus and that even the most subtle headache is a sure sign of one thing and one thing only: brain tumor.
That being said: Recently I’ve become concerned that I am dying. Obviously you shouldn’t be too alarmed, I clearly have this thought every other day of my life. But recently I’ve been getting this weird pressure behind my right eye that then results in a terrible headache right at the base of my neck. I know what you’re thinking: all signs point to brain tumor; but I’ve reasonably decided to believe that it is migraine related in an attempt to avoid the onslaught of a full-blown panic attack before I can get to the doctor this Thursday (yes, I really made an appointment – I’m hoping that I receive an MRI at least).
Anyway, when you’re convinced that you’re dying as often as I am (and yes, yoga has helped me to chill the F out in this area… but only slightly), you begin to have some slightly morbid thoughts.
My most recent thought was this: If I were to die and could return to one person in a dream to tell them how important they are to me – who would it be? I’m not kidding, these are the kinds of thoughts I’m dealing with in savasana, people.
Well, I really got to thinking and here’s my train of thought:
I would haunt my mom’s dreams, duh. One, because she would believe it was actually me and two she’d be sure to gossip to the rest of my immediate family about it.
Then I thought: But what about my dad? What about my sisters?
But then I thought: I bet my roommate would want to hear from me. She’s so used to seeing me all the time, how could I not say something?
Then: What about my boyfriend? Shouldn’t I tell him I love him?
And then: What about my childhood BFF Allie D? I’ll bet she would need to hear from me regarding my passing as she’s a hypochondriac too and would need to be reassured that she wasn’t going to suffer an untimely death as well.
Still, then: What about my high school friends, The Crew? They surely would need to hear from me.
Or what about my yogi pals? My coworkers? My college friends?
I know what you’re thinking: What an F-ing lunatic.
But seriously, these are the kinds of things I think about. And would you like to know the thought that immediately gave me total peace of mind?
Ok, so what if I did die tomorrow – look at all these people I have in my life who I love and would want to say one more thing to given the opportunity. What a great problem to have – not knowing who to haunt when I die because I love too many people. If (God forbid) I were to die tomorrow, I would know that I’ve had the greatest people imaginable in my life. I would know that I’ve been so incredibly lucky to know and love each and every single person that I do.
And hopefully they would all be delighted to be haunted by me.
Sorry if this post was too big a leap into my subconscious meanderings and weirded you out. My B!